Stalker be gone!!!

1 - Who was the big shot leaving the The Palace Hotel this morning? I was told to cross the street by some really hot guy in a suit. There were machine guns (and believe it or not, since 9/11 this was the very first time I saw the machine guns - or at least that's what I think they were. Could they have been Uzi's, I don't know, but they were huge - forgive me for not being on top of my gun knowledge - I'm from NYC, but not THAT tough!) Tons of cop cars and black shiny cars hanging out. A bike messenger tried to peddle up the street and a real mean-looking woman jumped out of a truck yelling "BACK UP BACK UP". This was so worth almost being late to work for. But before I knew it, it was all over - the car doors closing and the drama driving away.

2 - Ok, stalker ex-boyfriend, you really need to go away now. I know I'm great, but I didn't think I was this unforgettable - we've been broken up for 10 years - I'm not quite sure what is going on in your life that you are holding me on this pedestal but you REALLY need to move on with your life. I don't really know how else to tell you that I don't want to be with you that you have me resorting to lies (which is what I should have just done in the first place but I thought you maybe, just maybe that you matured a little over these 10 years and could just accept what was cordial catch-up conversation - how wrong I was!!!) but if I receive any more messages like this - I promise I will change my number (and please don't make me change my number, it's such a pain in the ass):

Last night's text message from what appears to be stalker's mom but it was probably stalker himself (mind you, I had no idea who the hell could be sending this and what the HELL it was about - stalker had not contacted me in about a month after I yelled at him, so I thought I was in the clear and thought this might have been my friends fucking around with me):
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"if this is _________(me) please call me he gave me this phone and said mom I think _______(me) hates me but I want to marry her and have babies. _________(me) he really needs you please call me".
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Today's text message from stalker himself responding to my response of "HUH?....Who is this?":
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"_________(me) it's ________(stalker) i am just calling because I almost died on my job yesterday and when I was bleeding all I thought about was you. I won't bother you no more. I'm sorry"
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Oh God, what do you say to that and to someone you never want to hear from again - you just can't ignore the fact that someone almost died (supposedly!!! - don't know how much truth there is to that story - it could have been a paper cut since he IS on the dramatic side when he makes his stalker calls me to - but if for some reason he did almost arrive at death's door - I sincerely apologize for sounding so mean - I don't wish anyone any harm and I hope he recovers completely), but you don't want to keep opening the door to stalkerish behavior or else when does it ever end?

My response: "i hope you are ok but I am with someone and in love with him". I certainly do not want to talk to him on the phone and I don't have the energy to write him a book via text messaging...what else do I fucking say? He claims, once again, that he is never going to bother me, he wishes me the best, blah blah (I've heard that before). I soooooooo don't want to change my number but I have to set a limit and stick with my promise to myself that if I get one more message, missed call - anything - that's it, I will be making the call to Verizon and I'm sending his ass the bill for a phone number change (if they're still charging for that).

3 - My mailroom guys have this new procedure where they're making us sign for our group's overnight packages. I wouldn't mind so much but I hate those little screens with the next-to-nothing pencil they make you sign with. The signature is so bad it looks like a toddler holding a pen with Mommy guiding me along. The device is not very wide or long, there's no where to rest your wrist. It's just not something I look forward to and every time they come around with it I think to myself "Fuck, here we go again, I hate this stupid thing". (Sorry, my life is pretty good so this could be my biggest complaint in life at the moment).

4 - Sorry to the guy that I pretended to reach for the "door open" button in the elevator. I was just too far away and I really wasn't in the mood for company. I squeaked out "sorry" but I'm sure that you saw it was a weak attempt on my part. If you were cuter I would have dove to the buttons. Next time maybe.

5 - Stalker guy bye bye - it was so worth the $15 bucks that Verizon wireless charges to change the number. For some reason I thought it would be about $35 since I remember from years ago that regular Verizon landline service charged about that much - which is one of the many reasons why I left that monopoly and have gone with the much more reasonable and fairly decent Cable phone service...I can deal with a few staticy and dropped calls for $30 bucks a month and who actually uses their landline anymore anyway?